Jennifer's Body

Initial Thoughts?

Mona Bloodstick: All it takes is someone saying the words Jennifer’s Body and I start thinking about Panic at the Disco. This is a movie that I really wanted to like, but it just was kind of eh. The premise is pretty cool but it just seems to fall flat. Still, I've never seen a movie about a brunette vampire who is in love with her blonde human friend and kills boys to a delicious soundtrack. This is truly one of a kind.

Vera Bradley: I was not allowed to watch R-rated movies as a teenager, so I waited in anticipation for years before finally experiencing the promise of the many instagram clips and screengrabs that had taunted me endlessly. Honestly? I was a bit disappointed. I think if I rewatched now, with expectations tempered, I would still find enjoyment in the guts and slightly campy premise, but at the time I was a bit let down to find that Jennifer was the bad guy.

1: How did this movie handle classic vampire tropes?

MB: To be honest, this is barely a vampire movie. It’s pretty obvious the creators were influenced by vampires as there are some heavy vampiric themes such as eating people and having sharp teeth and strong powers. There is an emphasis on virginity and Jennifer is killed by being stabbed through the heart.

VB: This is only a vampire movie by loooooosest definition (has to eat people to gain energy), but I think the vibes of the movie pass the vampire test. Honestly any movie with enough budget spent on fake blood (for consumption) gets a pass from me. The scene where she returns home and is vomiting black blood is VERY striking.

2: Any good kills?

MB: A good amount of the kills are quite satisfying, others are just a bit sad. It pleases me that Needy kills the band in the end but I would have preferred to see the terror in their eyes as Jennifer mercilessly slaughters them one by one.

VB: Agreed with the above. It is very satisfying to watch her kill boys but eventually the movie has to make a moral judgement on it of course. Lots of blood, and also (initially at least) a bit of humor is sprinkled in there which always makes a vampire movie better IMO.

3: How does this movie deal with the curse of eternal existence?

MB: Honestly Jennifer seems to be loving her time as a vampiric being.

VB: She is not quite human anymore so she doesn’t have the same qualms- she is at this point a vampiric predator, and as long as she has prey I think she’s fine.

4: Sex appeal?

MB: The most. The whole point of this movie is that Megan Fox is so hot and sexy. Amanda Seyfried is too, but she’s wearing some weird glasses. Seriously, their attempt to make Needy look like an insecure nerd is just a weird pair of glasses.

VB: Yes. Sex appeal is the whole point: Megan Fox is an anglerfish, and her hotness is that little light that dangles from the top of the anglerfish’s head. It really is very satisfying to watch a hot girl destroy annoying men.

5: Would I want to be a vampire in this universe?

MB: No, but I do think that I would do a better job about being a vampire than Jennifer does.

VB: Nah.

Final thoughts?

MB: I am so torn on this movie. I feel that at some points the writers were genuinely trying to write lesbian friendship pining romance story about being sexualized without your consent and how you shouldn’t assume anyone is a virgin because your sacrifice will backfire (rookie mistake guys). But most of the time it just seems like a lame excuse to show two hot girls kind of almost kiss. Still a fun time though.

VB: Similarly I am torn: definitely a meta move to use Megan Fox, who has been problematically sexualized since she was like 15, as the lead in this movie about the sexualization and subsequent weaponization of a woman’s body, but also it just kinda fell flat in the end (plus ultimately it still just felt like sexualization of her body tbh.) It’s like it half wanted to be commentary but half just wanted to be a cheesy 2000s slasher. Overall it is still a very fun watch though, and Jennifer is SUCH a good character. This movie is at its best when Jennifer is doing her thing.

"You're killing people?!" "No, I'm killing boys."

~ Vera Bradley and Mona Bloodstick