Vampire Hunter D: Bloodlust

Initial Thoughts?

Vera Bradley: Coming from the awful terrible vibes of our last movie, Vampires, this movie was immediately like a reviving draught of fresh blood. The visuals and world building alone make this worth a watch– my eyes were glued to the screen and I enjoyed every second of it. Plot-wise I’d give this a 6 or 7, its a fine plot but nothing incredible, and it often got pretty confusing, but this is a movie that takes its world building and aesthetics seriously in a way that I wish more vampire movies would. I will leave a few examples of the visuals for you below:

Mona Bloodstick: Not really sure what was going on with this movie but it was really awesome. Felt like a really cool dream and I wish I could hang the movie on my wall–so aesthetic.

GUEST STAR Solomon Vampire: Absolutely gorgeous animation and brilliant character designs. You gather a lot about the characters purely by their silhouettes. Also wtf is going on.

1: How did this movie handle classic vampire tropes?

VB: Crosses feature HEAVILY in this movie, and I have to say I love it. We open on throngs of metal crosses inexplicably bending, as an unseen force moves through town. Later, vampire hunters burst onto the scene in a cross-mobile, with their outfits and weapons decorated with crosses as well. This movie, like some others, has a tiered vampire system– there are beautiful deadly intelligent true vampires, and then the ones they turn, who are actually referred to in this movie as zombies, and essentially function as such.

MB: I’ve never EVER seen another movie where the main character vampire hunter who is also a vampire that wears a big hat saves a plucky blond girl with big dreams and even bigger boobs from actual scary vampires. And the fact that the girl’s parents were murdered and she has a whole flashback scene about it?? Never even heard of it! Whoa–D has a guy who lives in his hand that gives him advice and stuff?? And when D gets a little messed up he digs a hole?? AND the vampires fight by cutting into people with their hands??

I'm obviously being facetious here cause I have seen all of these and more in other movies. I had no idea so many vampire and anime tropes would be here! So yes it handled classic vampire tropes really well.

SV: It does a good job incorporating several tropes, such as the lack of reflections and sensitivity to sunlight, while also adding a few new powers like the ability to create objects from bats.

2: Any good kills?

VB: Though we didn’t really see a whooole lot of vampires killing people, I’m a big fan of the vampire hunter energy gun that blasts a hole clean through its targets. I will say, one of the coolest scenes in the movie (SPOILER) is when the ghost of the vampire queen is draining her victims of blood and it trails up to this coffin with her shriveled corpse and she is rejuvenated and just covered in blood.

MB: Sooooo many.

SV: Yeah

3: How does this movie deal with the curse of eternal existence?

VB: Surprisingly, these vampires are actually more concerned about their inevitable passing. Their species seems to be slowly dwindling, leading one vampire to say “When the last vampire dies, who will be there to mourn our passing?”. We also see vampire Hunter D make a pact with a (non-vampire) hunter that whoever dies last will bring flowers to the first one’s grave. Vampires are also seen space traveling to this “city of the night”, which could use a little clarification but seems kinda like when the elves in LOTR sail to Valinor.

MB: No whining here! We can obviously see the toll that eternity has taken on these guys.

SV: I think it deals with it well. The main character, D, has clearly been affected by the curse of time and closes himself off to relationships because of it.

4: Sex appeal?

VB: Look, this movie tries to do a sort of proto Edward and Bella thing with the main antagonist– he and this human girl are in love, she eventually asks him to turn her but he couldn’t live with himself if he did, there’s some scenes where he has to hold himself back from biting her, the whole 9 yards– you get it. The thing is, this works in Twilight because Edward is not killing and eating people. In this movie the guy is canonically one of the worst vampires, so it is effectively just a love story about a girl and a serial killer.

Also: Carmilla’s boobs.

MB: Yeah just look at Carmilla (and everyone else in the movie honestly). AWOOGAH.

Side note–I love how they straight up named her Countess Carmilla Elizabeth Bathory. I see you Princess Hatsune Miku Beyonce Knowles-Carter!! (btw I swear up and down Elizabeth Bathory did not do all that stuff).

SV: Yes.

5: Would I want to be a vampire in this universe?

VB: I would love to exist in this universe in general, it’s got a very cool fantasy/underworld steampunk future vibe going on. Lots of cool biomes I’d love to explore. And yk what those vampires have some very cool castles and carriages. Ah what the hell, why not.

MB: If I were a vampire in this universe I would of course want to be killed by D but he would take one look at me and be like hmmm killing her is beneath me and I would be delegated to one of the lesser vampire hunters. For the vibes? Absolutely. But I would not really want to be a vampire unless I was extremely powerful.

SV: I’d die so fast.

Final thoughts?

VB: If you want to drench yourself in an hour and 45 minutes of gothic bloody futuristic vampire vibes this is the movie for you. The plot is okay but don’t even think about that just look at the screen and think about vampires. Shhhhhhh it’s alright..... Vampires......

MB: Loved it but really confused on the storyline.

SV: Really enjoyable movie that tends to go off the rails. The world-building is spectacular, but don’t expect too much in the writing department.

“You may not care about heat but becoming beef jerky is not a lifelong ambition of mine”

XOXO Vera & Mona, and a huge thank you to our special guest Solomon Vampire!

Bite Me

Initial Thoughts?

Vera Bradley: Our generation has been blessed with the gothic genius of one Lauren Lee. Having been blessed to be in her presence I can confirm this film is based off of her real life in which she frequently kills and eats annoying boys.

Mona Bloodstick: A delightful foray into the world of short film! We welcome vampires from all walks of unlife.

1: How did this movie handle classic vampire tropes?

VB: Now, technically this is not explicitly a vampire film- however we did also review Jennifer’s Body on this site and the girls eating boys trope is I think inspired enough from vampiric themes/imagery that it counts.

MB: Although not explicitly vampire, the movie follows pretty closely with vampire canon–I especially appreciated seeing that on the date, our heroine did not eat any food while her date managed to both yap on and on and eat all his food.

2: Any good kills?

VB: Yes- a gross frat boy is mercifully killed and enjoyed for dinner with murderous gusto. Now, we don’t actually see the killing, but it is implied with a satisfying THUMP as the Talking Heads’ “Psycho Killer” begins to play (the song blended perfectly with this scene it was very awesome). The one thing I think could have made this better would have been more blood tbh– I would have loved to see some blood splatters on the baddie who dispatched that douchebag, and maybe more on their plates. However I am a glutton for fake blood, and I will also say that having seen some behind the scenes, the making of the fake meat was impressive enough as it is.

MB: Sometimes less is more. I loved the transition to the eating scene.

3: How does this movie deal with the curse of eternal existence?

VB: Again technically these are not explicitly vampires, but if they were I think they’d spend their eternity ridding the world of asshole men one at a time.

MB: They seem cool with it, like they have an apartment and everything (that seemingly belongs to them).

4: Sex appeal?

VB: Yes duh. The whole film is hinging on our protagonist using her sexuality like an anglerfish’s lantern to lure men to their demise.

MB: Oh yes indeedy.

5: Would I want to be a vampire in this universe?

VB: We only see a snippet of the lives of these women but yeah I’m down to hang

MB: Yes but only if I am still a girl and not a dumb frat boy.

Final thoughts?

VB: Impeccable vibes from a short film that gives the awesome aesthetic of girls eating boys without the moralizing tone of Jennifer’s Body. Let them eat men!!!!!! -Lauren if she was Marie Antoinette.

MB: Beautiful and would love to see more forms of short film.

Would this face eat you?

“I’m picking up dinner!”

xx- Mona and Vera