Morbus

Initial Thoughts?

Vera Bradley: For our optimal viewing pleasure, Mona and I watched the first half hour of this movie, the last 20 minutes, and 5 minutes from the middle. This is MORE than enough to get the gist of the movie. Honestly, the premise of Morbius is pretty smart (which makes sense, as it was a comic first)– a scientist with a blood disease begins researching and experimenting with vampire bats as they have natural anticoagulants, but then green goblins himself into a vampire. However, the execution wasn’t great, and in addition to really cheesy attempts to make the movie seem “cool” in classic Marvel fashion, it felt really boringly predictable.

Mona Bloodstick: Not really any initial thoughts, I have been begging Vera to watch this movie with me for a very long time, in fact since the original immaculate conception of this blog.

1: How did this movie handle classic vampire tropes?

VB: Morbius is kind of like if a vampire was a werewolf. As opposed to a classic vampire, which is a reanimated corpse, he is an animal hybrid that at times is human, and at other times is supernatural. Like I said, interesting concept, meh execution.

MB: I don’t really wanna think about this one, the screen was really dark so I couldn’t really tell what was going on. But Morbius works with mice and stuff a lot, and his friend and him are super weak but also really rich so it’s difficult for me to feel bad for them even though they are in the hospital for weak people.

2: Any good kills?

VB: People definitely died, but it wasn’t that cool.

MB: I think we might have missed a lot of the kills but it’s ok. Jared Leto kills Matt Smith and also his love interest maybe, but maybe not.

3: How does this movie deal with the curse of eternal existence?

VB: This movie deals more with the curse of bloodlust than of eternal existence.

MB: Hmmhmmhmm. I’m mostly surprised that Jared Leto bore the brunt of this movie while I didn’t even realize the Doctor Who guy was in it. They did a good job with the makeup. With the right makeup anyone can look eternal.

4: Sex appeal?

VB: OMG Jared Leto is so sexy EEEEE he’s so cool and charismatic let’s all join his cult!!!!

MB: Not any visible sex appeal but I was always intrigued by the love interest’s ponytail braid. OUCHIE. She always had that thing on and it made me massage my head.

5: Would I want to be a vampire in this universe?

VB: No; similarly to Sinners (though it pains me to make the comparison), it makes you just really violent and evil. Also it seems like the process of injecting the serum (how they turn into a vampire in this movie) is suuuuper painful.

MB: Who would I want to be if I was in this movie? I don’t know. Is Morbius even a vampire? Why can he go out in the daylight (at least I think he did, he might have been on the bus)? If I was in a Marvel movie, I would totally want to be Spiderman. I have a Spiderman t-shirt, I used to have two but one got too small for me (boob job).

Final thoughts?

VB: It wasn’t great. There’s no real reason to watch this– the only reason we did was because of our burning passion to watch every vampire movie. That said, it is also not the worst vampire movie I’ve watched, for what that’s worth.

MB: Not as bad a movie as Crash (2004), but horrible compared to Crash (1996).

“And here I thought you were just another jacked up dumbshit”

It's Morbing time, XOXO, Vera and Mona,