Blacula

Initial Thoughts?

Mona Bloodstick: My first impression is the sound quality is shitty. The absolute creme de la creme of camp. I was very excited to see there is a prominent gay interracial relationship?? Okay William Crain!! 

I was going to write a whole bit about the gay vampire couple (oops maybe spoiler) but someone already did it wayyy better than me. Check it out here. 

Vera Bradley: In a world where vampires are real but they mostly just decrease real estate value, one dumbass girl falls for a man (vampire) who keeps telling her she is the new version of his dead wife, while her bad friends LET her.

This movie actually exceeded my humble expectations; I figured it would have a couple funny scenes but mostly be too long and boring. I was pleasantly surprised to find that I was in fact engaged for the whole movie– Mona is correct in labeling this super campy and fun.

1: How did this movie handle classic vampire tropes?

MB: Widow’s peak, creepy laughing, Scientific Investigation Division (kind of like X-Files), a singing trio that warns (Shakespeare anyone?), nightclubs. VAMPIRE IS OK TO WALK IN UNINVITED???

It may be the fact that this is a 70’s movie, but it really reminds me of SNL land shark bits. Similarly to SNL land shark bits, a lot of the acting here feels like really good retro porn. 

VB: In reference to my initial thoughts section, I thought it was really funny that in the intro, when the gay couple looking to buy Dracula’s castle found out that it had belonged to Dracula, they saw this as a negative and tried to argue the price down (which I think they succeeded in maybe?). So canonically vampires are driving real estate value down in this world lol.

I like that this movie has another addition to the world of vampire nightclubs, though in this case it is a human nightclub that a vampire visits. Speaking of vampire visits, this movie BLATANTLY disregards the trope that a vampire must receive an invitation to come in; that bitch is out here entering hella establishments, NO invite.

2: Any good kills?

MB: To be honest no but there are some amazing fight and chase scenes. There are also some scenes that are genuinely scary (I’m looking at you, nurse lady).

VB: Kills are pretty meh tbh but I would say they are superseded in this case by really cool vampire jumpscares. OH also this is less of a kill but when (SPOILER) he kills himself at the end of the film, the practical effects are REALLY cool.

3: How does this movie deal with the curse of eternal existence?

MB: Blacula is sad and misses his wife but idk if that has anything to do with the curse of eternal existence.

VB: In this movie, Count Blacula has just arisen so he doesn’t really have a sense of his own immortality beyond the loss of his wife, who he immediately replaces. He does (SPOILER) kill himself at the end of the film, unable to reckon with what he has become. Curse-wise, Blacula deals more with the vampiric enslavement of the body and mind than it does with eternal existence.

4: Sex appeal?

MB: This was answered in the first scene. Yes. I could be more explicit here but then I would have to write a whole thesis paper. Honestly they should have named this movie Kissula with all the smooching that goes on. Good to hear a soundtrack that rivals Vampyros Lesbos!

VB: Oh yeah most definitely. Count Blacula is not sexy but most of the other characters are. My favorite character was the girl at the club with the sick camera and a darkroom in her own house, except babe why are you letting light into the darkroom????? That’s my petty grievance a true photographer would never let light into the darkroom. I was baffled.

5: Would I want to be a vampire in this universe?

MB: Hmm…not really, for the reasons Vera mentioned, but I love everything about the style we see here. If my soul was not destined for damnation, I would imagine my ideal afterlife to be as stylish as this movie.

VB: No I don’t think so, once again we’ve got a two-tiered vampire system so Count Blacula and also Dracula (from intro scene) are “true” vampires, and the ones they turn essentially turn into zombies. I would not want to be a zombie, and I also would not want to be Count Blacula because he doesn’t have any vampire friends.

Final thoughts?

MB: I wanted to watch Scream Blacula Scream because Pam Grier is in it but Vera convinced me that we should watch the original Blacula. Not disappointed in the slightest! I don’t think that we will review Scream Blacula Scream because it has a really bad rating but I will probably watch the Pam Grier scenes.

I am a bit confused by the ending, mostly because it came out of nowhere. Almost like they just decided eh that’s enough, roll credits.

Side note--all vampires are gay except for Solenaya_Voda from Pinterest who has several straight vampire ocs for some reason.

VB: If you are looking for a fun, campy vampire movie, this deserves a watch.

“Hey Danny, take a look at that fag”

XOXO Mona & Vera